I am often asked what is it like living in 24/7 "domestic servitude" as property by younger submissive identifying females new to the scene usually embarking on their first D/s relationship with a much older male. That is not a critique of them or their situation, by the way. I do not feel that I live in domestic servitude but to use another cliché I feel it is domestic bliss because I have never been happier or more content in my life as I am currently
Those that do ask questions are typically curious about how often I am flogged, whipped and caned. How long do I spend on my knees, in "the positions" or on door greeting fellatio? How much corner time, naked time or stress position time am I given to complete by "Master" each day? If I have a cage, sleep on the floor at night, or a bowl from which to eat and a million other things. I am not the only person that gets asked these type of questions and I can totally understand them asking myself and other submissives in established relationships what happens day to day when they are just finding their feet in the community or their relationship
This is a good thing I feel because how else does one learn about others experiences, what actually happens in the kink community and also what is ok and not ok behaviours but to ask "hey does this happen to you?" questions. No question is silly because no-one knows everything and sharing knowledge is powerful for everyone. It keeps us all safe, helps new and established members learn what is going on around them and to meet new friends and establish and maintain networks. I must say before anyone says "what about the male subs" that I am rarely asked about my relationship intricacies by submissive identifying males. This is possibly because once they find out I am not the droid for which they are looking and I have a male Owner they suddenly lose interest in chatting in depth. I find that a shame because I am always interested in learning about different relationship dynamics within the kink community
This is a good thing I feel because how else does one learn about others experiences, what actually happens in the kink community and also what is ok and not ok behaviours but to ask "hey does this happen to you?" questions. No question is silly because no-one knows everything and sharing knowledge is powerful for everyone. It keeps us all safe, helps new and established members learn what is going on around them and to meet new friends and establish and maintain networks. I must say before anyone says "what about the male subs" that I am rarely asked about my relationship intricacies by submissive identifying males. This is possibly because once they find out I am not the droid for which they are looking and I have a male Owner they suddenly lose interest in chatting in depth. I find that a shame because I am always interested in learning about different relationship dynamics within the kink community
Most service submissives lives are no different to anyone else's. We cook, clean the house, do the dishes, the laundry, go to work or work from home, work round the farm and do whatever else is needed to keep things running smoothly. The subtle differences of our lifestyle become a little more apparent with the addition of task direction and control from an O/p Head of House dynamic. That is when I feel the differences between vanilla and kink households diverge to a greater degree, even if both are male led
The majority of my vanilla friends in their relationships have at points in time asked me questions about our relationship and some have got stuck over the Owner/property and power-control dynamics. They are confused by my giving up complete control to my Owner and have great difficulty getting their heads around the concept of someone saying "ok I trust You so much I will do what You say without question". The ones that do not have as big a problem with the concept invariably have a military background or came from that 1950s type household as children and so saw it in practise. However, I think we get to do much cooler stuff during down time than in a vanilla household. In a purely vanilla household one is unlikely to find on their calendar dates for a high protocol dinner, silent service high tea or a play party in their personal dungeon and they are really unlikely to be participating in outdoor bondage or rope suspensions even if they do have a big enough property
The majority of my vanilla friends in their relationships have at points in time asked me questions about our relationship and some have got stuck over the Owner/property and power-control dynamics. They are confused by my giving up complete control to my Owner and have great difficulty getting their heads around the concept of someone saying "ok I trust You so much I will do what You say without question". The ones that do not have as big a problem with the concept invariably have a military background or came from that 1950s type household as children and so saw it in practise. However, I think we get to do much cooler stuff during down time than in a vanilla household. In a purely vanilla household one is unlikely to find on their calendar dates for a high protocol dinner, silent service high tea or a play party in their personal dungeon and they are really unlikely to be participating in outdoor bondage or rope suspensions even if they do have a big enough property
I think I disappoint many of these young female subs/slaves when I tell them that my Owner is not interested in treating me like I am something to torture or treat badly. I have an acquired, permanent disability that makes many of the typical harsh physical requirements others demand of their girls virtually impossible for me to sustain for long periods and my Owner does not like me to suffer like that as He is not cruel, vindictive or sadistic. They seem quite nonplussed He is not the type of distant, cold, stern uber-dominant they have often read about and that He is nothing like many of those dominants in the erotica on fetlife's K&P or the Gor novels or even Christian Grey. He is a Gentleman Dominant of the old school type. He walks softly but carries that big stick majestically. So most times the day to day life of this lil' girl is... not much different to anyone else living in a loving male led relationship from the 1950s... but with internet
This is also not an unequal relationship emotionally. I do not sit and hope for scraps of affection from a cold and unloving, emotionally abusive, physically absent person whilst they spoon out a modicum of affection randomly upon me and withdraw it on a whim to lavish their attention and presence elsewhere on others. My Owner supports me in my endeavours completely and is loving and caring and I Him. I support Him in His leadership of us and in whatever way is needed for the smooth running of our Household. I cannot imagine not doing that quite frankly. To not obey Him unquestioningly, to not have ultimate trust in Him and His decisions for us and to not have handed over control of my life to Him, to me, would be unthinkable and not normal because He has earned all that through being more than trustworthy, more than supportive, more than worth that loyalty and devotion
He is in ultimate control of where we are heading, what happens day to day and long term. He decides where we go, what we attend or not attend, how I dress, on what we focus and what we do. He has me keep the calendar and make the appointments and, like any good leader, He delegates tasks to me and expects them done and they get done. He does not shout or carry on at me. A disapproving tone or raised eyebrow is enough to send me running to fix an error and likewise a quiet "please pass me the..." or a "I think we need" has me scurrying to complete the task in question. His polite, civilised manner often makes others think that I must get away with murder and do what I like and that He is not a big "Domly Dom" but my Owner has nothing to prove in this world on that measure. He has proved his masculine credentials in other facets of His life and does not feel the need to sledgehammer an egg at home
He is in ultimate control of where we are heading, what happens day to day and long term. He decides where we go, what we attend or not attend, how I dress, on what we focus and what we do. He has me keep the calendar and make the appointments and, like any good leader, He delegates tasks to me and expects them done and they get done. He does not shout or carry on at me. A disapproving tone or raised eyebrow is enough to send me running to fix an error and likewise a quiet "please pass me the..." or a "I think we need" has me scurrying to complete the task in question. His polite, civilised manner often makes others think that I must get away with murder and do what I like and that He is not a big "Domly Dom" but my Owner has nothing to prove in this world on that measure. He has proved his masculine credentials in other facets of His life and does not feel the need to sledgehammer an egg at home
